i remember the goodness of life
before the shackles of brokenness
- bound my soul
when all i could do was smile
at the blessings flowing all around

misguided or full of ego
i had the idea that i was destined
a very large - very bright future was ahead
my dreams knew no bounds
in my heart there were no limitations

i should have known it was all too easy
for pride comes before the fall
and the fall i took was very great indeed
i lay broken, wounded, bleeding

and now the hideousness of my infliction
caused by my careless sin
grotesquely twists it's vile appearance
upon all who dare to look

how my heart is broken deep within
longing to be restored - renewed
to be able to once again allow myself
without fear of the reaction
to step back into the world of the living
this pain - this scar - is far greater than i
so long since i've spoken from my heart
and far greater since i felt at peace
this wound i bear has born great weight
- upon my wretched soul

how i long for the sweet embrace
and the lively conversation i once knew
i remember all too well the people
willingly listening or sharing open hearts

but now solitude is all i know
hidden deep within this prison cell
the key long lost in the recesses of the past
when i was unaware of the pain to come
this cold damp cell has become my hell

i still share with those who do not know me
reaching out beyond my fetters
to those who are blinded in their own pain
too concerned of themselves to see my scars
even then, i shroud myself from their sight
offering help without revealing
- anything but my heart
even this does not bring liberty to my soul

the bitterness has hold of my heart and soul
i weep endlessly in my despair and loneliness
if i could only be seen for my heart
instead of the hideous creature
- i unwittingly became

i use to know of a grace and a mercy
that extended to the farthest reaches of life
and of a love that knew no end
but in my pain i have become blind to these
not knowing how to ask or where to turn

for in my sin, my scarring, i have found self pity
- yes, self pity
the most painful way of suicide
dying to self and everything else
refusing to allow life to flow again

it is a cycle that must be broken
yet i find myself at loss to destroy it
i know the problem and it's solution
but self pity has crushed my hope
- and hindered my determination
the reality of the answer is illuding me

until the day of the lord's return
i can only hope that someone
- somewhere
will see through my self-death
reaching in with unconditional love
and lifting me out of all my despair

can the great physician restore me
will i know the joy of life once more
in a moment of fleeting lucidity i hope
- i hope
it's all i have left